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MY LIFE INSIDE A BOX


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MY LIFE INSIDE A BOXTending The Peace

I always thought hard work and going the extra mile would make a difference in a persons life. Being the good guy and always being a nice person would somehow pay off. I guess we cannot depend on fallible people. Sometimes there is nothing there except negative consequences. At the end of the day, your just stomped on and left as a human tragedy.


When I first went to prison, I wasn't interested in doing anything wrong. I always followed the rules the best I could. I still do. I wanted to do things that were positive and spiritual and made life better, not just for myself, but for everybody. I've done a lot of significant things that people might not know that I am or have been involved in. I wanted to do a lot more that would greatly benefit people. Someday, maybe by chance you will learn more about me.


I have been going through great misfortune over the last several months. I went to segregation because I was pranked by a staff member who was a close friend of mine. By the time it was said and done, it was out of control and ended in a disaster. So, I sat as peacefully as I could in segregation because my friend thought it would be fun to prank me. It wasn't fun at all. That was the second prank. The first one was sitting in a control center cage for three hours while people were poking fun at me at my expense. That led to the same friend making mistakes after mistakes that has almost cost me my life.


Now, it is hard to have the drive to do anything. It is just stress and depression I go through day and night. Sometimes I get distracted from it momentarily, but that is less and less often. Time is very hard for me now. I was always the upbeat and positive person in the group. I was always spiritual. Well, these last few months have sucked the blood out of the drive in my life. I lost a lot weight due to stress and diabetes. I have gained some back, which is good. I lost 37 pounds or 15% of body weight in a little over six months. I thought I might of had cancer. They tell me I don't. I have never been this down in my life.


You see, apparently if the stars are not lined up, everything you've done ends up being a lost cause that just comes back to destroy you. I haven't done anything wrong. Everybody knows that. However, sometimes you just end up being the one who gets pushed off the cliff your trying to help others climb up to. It has been rough on me. It has been the worse experience I have had in thirty years of being in prison. I blame myself for what other people have done. I don't know why, but I do. I guess it is part of depression.


I respect people a lot. Unfortunately, you can respect people all day, but sometimes it just becomes a lost cause. Sometimes, they just choose to look away from you.


I would like to ask you to pray for me and those who run our government. Maybe, your prayers will pay off more than my own seem to.


Thank you for supporting me and Tending The Peace. Please pray that peace finds me. I need it. I need a break.

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